This post is brought to you by the letter d. For depression. I am staring to suspect that is part of the problem (and yes, very possible to be depressed and not realise it, that is an issue). Some of it is situational, in that I am adjusting to circumstances not of my making. Some of it may not be, or not in the same way.
This April marks five years of infertility. Not five years of trying – we started a bit earlier, but five years of dealing with the not quite working part. It’s the five year anniversary of the first problem pregnancy. I don’t know if I can keep going. People who had not even thought of their first child when we were going through this are on their second ( or third). It’s not very fun.
But I do have a child at home. Some observations:
1. Children are cute in proportion to both their neediness and their helplessness. Babies and toddlers are very cute, because they are both care intensive and very helpless. As they grow older they are less cute, but that’s ok, because they are both less annoying and more competent. Teenagers however, reverse this. They are not cute! But are intensely irritating, although should be competent in the self care area (should). Which leads me to the next observation
2. All of those nature shows where the monkey tribe, or the lion pride or the giraffe herd sends away the adolescent males (and only the adolescent male): I used to feel sorry for them, and wonder why the group was so cruel. Not anymore. My opinion has changed. The group is doing it for the good of the group. It is interesting that it is is common across the animal kingdom and even in a lot of human societies- male adolescents are dispatched elsewhere to get over their hormones.
3. My family was very quiet and conflict averse. Arguments and fights did happen, but alternative measures worked better. Some of this may have been deliberate, some not. My family had a pool in the back yard- no pool fence, though the back yard was fenced (my sister was 7 when it went in, so no toddlers around). We knew we weren’t allowed to swim without an adult home, and we had to tell an adult before swimming. I don’t know what the threatened punishment was, because none of us did. Even though my mother worked at least part of the summer (she was a uni student and then a teacher) and my brother and I Would have been at home. Anyway, my operating mode in family is fairly polite, and assumes every one else is. J has a much more argumentative expectations. Everything comes tinged with a bit more aggression and argument. It’s very tiring. It isn’t as much a problem for G, his family is also more contrary.
4. Everyone’s expectations around home behaviours are different. And because it’s something learned at home, where everyone else does it, it can be hard to explain it to someone else. When you move in with someone, it is more like a learning and negotiation process. Getting a newcomer to align with existing rules is interesting. Some are just habits, others are more fundamental.
There are some good bits. I think G likes the fact he is getting time with J, he didn’t get a lot while he was younger. Having an unemployed person round the house means that laundry gets done in a regular basis. Cleaning not so much. And it has imposed some eating discipline on the house.
I haven’t been to the gym in almost a month(my scars) and that is not helping my mental state. Will be starting back in the next week or so- taking it easy.