Failures in communication

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I have been having a learning experience in the last month about why communication is effective.  I have also learned that most people don’t pay attention.

One of the more routine and boring tasks in my job is the issuing of monthly checklists.  They are compliance checklists, full of fun (not) legislative requirements.  The old process required me to generate them from the system, they came out as PDFs; then load them into a really awful online system (done on the cheap by someone with a very linear mind who couldn’t image the end user making mistakes), which sent an awful email to the recipient (discovered after years of use).  The recipient had to log in, download the checklist, print it out, complete by hand then log back in and tick a box to say complete.  I had to do a lot of nagging to get the boxes ticked, and always suspected the checklists were not being carefully completed. Unfortunately, there was no budget and little interest in upgrading the terrible system, so it remained.

This year my boss decided to change things.  Now, when I generate a checklist it formats in Word.  I then send detailed emails along with the checklist to each individual.  The email contains what I thought of as clear and understandable instructions. Each Person opens the checklist, completes by clicking on Ok or Fail boxes (nothing else can be amended) and can add comments at the end.  The checklist is then sent back to me in Word format.  I save it in a particular location and the database we have automatically picks it up and we can review the results.  Much better.  A thousand times easier to complete(I too have a checklist), and easier to administer. Most people failed to send the checklists back the first month.  Then they sent them PDF (doesn’t work).  Then the second month, I-sent reminders to the non-completers.  In those reminders I said “The checklist was emailed to you earlier this month.  It can be completed electronically.” At least two people tried to log in to the old system and told me their checklist was missing.  The third month (now) I sent the checklists early (i always loaded them online early, but the first two months were adjustments, so the checklists ran late), and 5 people sent them back early.  I had to tell them they couldn’t send checklists confirming they were compliant for the whole month of May at the beginning of the month.

My explanatory email is getting more precise every month, and I am contemplating a training session for these people.  Not to mention, a lot of people ave raised issues with the content and processes in their checklist.  These would be the same processes they ticked off month after month.

I had always suspected that the world was full of people who didn’t pay attention, but this is surprising.  I know that I read (ok, skim) quickly, but I often go back and read something two or three times, to make sure nothing has been missed.  My stepfather, who really does read every word (i suspect non-diagnosed reading issues as a child) only reads things once, but he really does read every single word.  He is the only one in my immediate family who doesn’t read much for a hobby, although that is changing now he has discovered John LeCarre.  These people who don’t read carefully and then just take action, boggle the mind.

In other news, there is big legislative change coming in my industry.  I started freaking out late last year when i realised that most other industry participants were working on coping, and my company wasn’t.  I am the main legislative updater, so failure here will land on me, despite my Chicken Little efforts.  The problem was there was no effective channels for me to report this up and push for actual action.  So, a committee has been formed that has this responsibility.  Huge sigh of relief when my summary of the changes went off to them and they agreed a project must happen.  It went to another committee(or so we thought) to be assigned resources.  Except that the person taking it to that committee forgot.  And then there were no resources.  Then on friday, I went to a meeting where I was expecting to meet the potential BA for this project (we are at least 6 months behind in my opinion) and act as technical resource.  I was told that I am the BA.  A tiny squeak emerged.  So, those months when I did nothing, sigh, could have continued to work on things, because I need that now.

But, on discussion with my boss, this has not yet been agreed, so someone else may yet get to do this.

Melbourne

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Well, we went to Melbourne a few weeks ago, and I am finally doing a post about it.

It was partially a work trip for me, so I booked G and my tickets separately.  Somehow we ended up on different flights leaving within 15 minutes of each other on the way back.  Not happy about that, particularly as I ended up on Jetstar!

Anyway, the leaving was stressful, as J’s flight was due to leave 10 minutes before ours, so I was a little stressed about getting to our gate on time.  I have a bit of a thing about getting to the airport/gate early.  G tolerates this, he understands that I am stressed about the issue, and goes along with it, to an extent.  Anyway, we were going to catch the Airtrain to the airport- it’s only a 20 minute (very expensive) train trip from the CBD.  We were going to take the train that gave us an extra half an hour- so we would have just over an hour to do the checkin/baggage drop.  There was a “police incident”at one of the stations down south and our train was 28 minutes late.  They didn’t tell us it was 28 minutes late- it was always 10 minutes or less away from the station.  Not impressed with QR at all, particularly after us asking 3 times, it took them until 2 minutes before the train arrived, and me having a slight mini breakdown in front of someone that I suspect is higher up for anyone to be concerned that we would be late for our flight (at which point they are on the hook for the ticket, as they guarantee trains will get you there on time).

So, the trip didn’t start in the best way.  But we all got on our flights ok, and they took off.  We managed to get a taxi into town in Melbourne, and checked in to the first hotel (work covered this one as I was going to a work thing the next day).  It was nice.

View from the window

 

Hotel room

Nice big room, way up high. We wandered the streets, looking for somewhere to eat.  It’s really nice to be able to find something after 7:30, which is the point at which Brisbane restaurants start turning people away.  We also found a very nice italian pastry and coffee place for dessert.

The next day I spent the morning and early afternoon at an industry conference.  G wandered the streets, amusing himself.

In the mid afternoon we headed to the second hotel, much more within our budget, and nowhere near as nice.  We then wandered through the alleys and shopping areas.  It’s nice to get some variety in shopping- there seem to be a lot more independent stores in Melbourne.  We also managed to stop for some coffee.

Mmm, coffee

Dinner was at an alley restaurant- Melbourne is know for it’s laneway culture, with restaurants running along laneways.

The next day was a leisurely trip out to St Kilda by tram.  Melbourne still has trams, due to budgetary difficulties during the period when many cities switched from tram to buses. We also paid a visit to Victoria Markets- which has produce, meats, fish and cheeses.  Cheeses were bought.  It also sells just out of the container stuff from China.

St Kilda is a beachside suburb, with a nice pier, lots of Art deco period architecture, an amusement park and a fun shopping street. The beach also faces south- towards Antarctica and the chilly winds.  Luckily it was a very calm day, and the sun was out.

Trams (and rain)

St Kilda Pier

Next stop- Antartica

Luna Park

While we were walking along the foreshore, we came across this odd plinth with a stone ball on top- it represents a planet(forgotten which one) in a scaled model that stretches along the shoreline.

planet?

We had a lovely lunch, wandered among the shops and then took another tram to a suburb whose name I have wiped from the memory.  This was to visit a big charity shop, which was reputed to be good.  I like rummaging through these shops for random things, and have recently realised that I am not the only member of my family who does so- my sister in law was telling me about how they found a wonderful charity shop on their trip to WA!

Anyway, we walked for many many miles (slight exaggeration, but we walked a long way).  The shop was indeed quite large, it had many bits of furniture, clothes and books, but didn’t yield much in the way of interesting knick knacks.  We opted to head for a train station instead of a tram (more walking) and en route found a large cooking wares shop.  G decided we needed a knife to handle the cheese and apples bought at the market, so went for a wander while I stayed outside with the bags (one of the stores with no bag rules).  Then it was my turn.  That shop was so worth it.

That night was another laneway dinner- this time in a slightly more upscale laneway, and we actually ended up in the street front area of the restaurant, nicely away from the laneway band.  Live music is great, but not 2 feet away when one wants a good conversation.

We spent the next morning wandering around the CBD, looking at buildings and shops.

I don’t know if it was budgetary pressures at the worng moemnt, a poor real estate market or a focus on sydney, but Melbourne CBD has a lot of interesting older buildings or a kind that no longer seemt oexists in Brisbane, or the bits of Sydney I have seen.  I think, because it boomed and then busted, there was some constraint on construction in Melbourne, and they didn’t have a gung ho development dictator who could call on the Deen brothers (not sure of the spelling) like Brisbane did.

One last coffee

Then we went to the airport.  We caught a bus, because there is no train to the airport.  We caught an early one, because after the drama of going there, I needed that.  And when we got there, there were massive delays due to fog somewhere else.  Massive- 6 am flights had not left by 1 pm.  Luckily our two flights were not much delayed- mine was worse thanG’s.  We arrived back, took the cab back to my work (just easier) and I left my phone in the cab!  We called it, and the cab driver came back!

It was a fun weekend, and made me wonder, yet again, why we live in Brisbane.  Although the weather here is better, most of the time.

The rocky road trip part 2- family and lots of it

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We spent the first two nights in Rocky at G’s parents, who actually don’t live in rocky, but a 30 minute drive away.  We arrived in time for dinner.  During dinner one of G’s many uncles called with the news that his daughter had just given birth to her second son Cruz( not sure of the spelling, this was a much discussed issue over the weekend).  Said cousin had been trying for many years, and much IVF and she and her husband had resorted to IVF plus sperm donor in order for her new baby and the previous one, Colte (yes, there really is an e on the end, hence the spelling discussion).  So much of the weekend involved various discussions of this process, and also of Jessica Simpson’s new baby.

Anyway, on Friday G was meant to meet the ex to discuss J. I was planning to spend the time at a different coffee shop, relaxing.  Ha, in the end they came to me, so it was me, G, J, the ex and the ex’s new partner.  The three of them had drinks, G had nothing, and I was chowing down on my potato cakes and smoked salmon.  long family talk, J is in some trouble over things he has done.  They are hoping to be in Rocky by mid June, so we will get J for a single week in July.

Then, we were going to head back to the beach, but a family dinner was called, with G’s brother and his family, plus the parents, plus the ex and J etc.  So, rather than undertake the drive twice, we spent the afternoon in the Rockhampton shopping mall.  so exciting.   I ended up getting my legs waxed, which was cheap, but was also by an unconfident apprentice.

Dinner was ok, at one of rocky’s many pubs, so menu consisting largely of fried things.  Have I mentioned I am trying to eat healthily?  I ordered the prawn avocado and mango salad, which arrived sans mango. Fun family times.

This dinner meant that we now had Saturday mostly to ourselves, as there were no further family obligations.  G’s dad went off to the races (he works as a bookie at weekend country races) and we went for what G calls the “beach walk of death”.  We clambered round a rocky headland, found a cave, but couldn’t go in, and strolled on the sand.

We had lunch with G’s mom, and I had a lengthy chat with her about the trickiness of having children.  She got pregnant (accidentally) at 17, (G) and was married by the time he was born( and is sometimes bitter on this). My SIL had her kids early as well, but the whole cousin with IVf thing brought up the opposite.  She knows I had a miscarriage and that we were/are trying, but I couldn’t remember whether it had been mentioned that we were undergoing IVF.  I didn’t want to introduce the idea (family gossip tree would have spread it far and wide) if it wasn’t known, so it was an odd conversation.  It’s where I found out the cousin’s husband has a sperm count of zero.  She was a grandmother in her mid 40s- if I am lucky I will be a mother of a child under 10 in my mid forties.  Sigh.

Anyway,, we headed back to Rocky to stay at a hotel called the Criterion.  It was located close to the reunion pub, and had cheap rooms.  Apparently it is also haunted.  Very old fashioned, and slightly lacking in the amenities (shower in the room, but shared toilet down the hall).  The reunion was fun, lots of meat and very generous drinks.

We headed back on the Sunday morning, after one last visit with J.  On the way back we stopped at the Calliope historical village markets- surprisingly large and good.  It seems to be in the middle of nowhere, but I gather the actual town of Calliope is a little ways off the highway.  The roadworks were much easier, as most were not in action due to the fact it was Sunday.

We arrived at my brother’s house in Hervey Bay in time for an evening walk with the dog.  My brother has just been undertaking a campaign to be elected to the local council where he lives (local government body).  He is not officially affiliated to any particular party, although he has worked with and for a couple.  Anyway, the votes are still being counted from the election on 28 April, and it seems very likely he will win his spot, with about 50% support and over 80% of the vote counted.  So yay.  And we ate vegan food, which was a nice antidote to the meat  overload of Rockhampton.

The remainder of the trip back to Brisbane wasn’t too bad, we did hit traffic (last day of a three day weekend) midway through the sunshine coast, but did have a reasonable run for most of the distance.

A tiring trip, particularly with a bad head cold, but not a bad one.  Lots of family stuff, and thinking about our options.  Not exciting though.

The Rocky road trip

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So, we have come to Rockhampton for G’s high school reunion. We chose to drive.  It’s 650 kilometers from Brisbane to Rocky.  A normal person, knowing that the highway speed limit is 100k would therefore assume it takes about six and half to seven hours to drive. Ha. It took us 12.

We left at 6 am, which was little later than we wanted, but it was a smooth and quick run through Brisbane and the sunshine coast, we arrived in gympie by 8.  Usually it takes three plus hours to get there, because we are dealing with traffic. I was asleep for a large chunk of this, so can only assume no traffic, but it was good time. We spent about 45minutes in gympie at the McDonald’s.  Past gympie the highway is only one lane each way, and the post gympie stretch has few decent passing zones, so they have had many accidents.  So what has been done? The speed limit has been lowered to 90 and 80 k.  Of course, because it isn’t frustrated drivers trying to pass that cause the accidents.  More overtaking lanes might help.

The drive from gympie to Childers was relatively uneventful, only a small and confusig detour off the highway at Maryborough. I was driving for a lot of this.  It bears mentioning that the Bruce Highway Has been cut off in a few places in the last two years due to flooding, and some of the damage is all too visible.  At Childers we wandered around, paid a visit to a small, very cluttered military, fire police and SES museum, which is the repository for a lot of junk.  Then we trekked on.

g drove up to Gin Gin, where we switched.  His dad had warned us the day before that there were roadworks past Miriamvale, so it was decided that I would drive from Gin Gin to Miriamvale.  G would nap in preparation for the roadworks.  Anyway, from gin gin to Miriamvale is about 100+ k.  It took two hours because it was pretty much stop start roadworks all the way.  Only one half of the freeway was drivable so we would sit and wait for others going the other way to drive through.  There was one lovely section where I got to Drive at full speed for 10 minutes!  I woke g up at Miriamvale, we got some food and drove on.  Most of the roadworks sections were closed for the day from then on, and we rolled into rocky around 6.  Maps and pictures to come once back at home!

Accepted travel mode: handbasket

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This was going to be a post about the trip to Melbourne, but no more.

Today was not the best day ever, I had two tasks i knew had to be done today, and at least one was of the painful and irritating nature (doc review for the people who can’t write coherently). But i brightened my perspective by planning a lunch walk to the post office (about 45 min to an hour depending on the whims of the traffic lights.  Yay postcards.  Then at quarter to 12, my co-worker who likes early lunhces reminded me that we had a 1:30 meeting.  So that torpedoed the walk (that plus going to the supermarket and buying lunch would take too much time).  Cue already not happy.

Then I get a call from G.  We are going to Rockhampton this weekend for his high school reunion.  I am not a fan of Rocky on my best days (its claims to fame are more pubs per capita than any other city and beef), so already edgy.  We’re supposed to be staying with his brother and sister in law.  But the ex and J are staying in Rocky for an extra two weeks.  Guess where they are staying.  It’s a tad late to organise a hotel.  So we will stay wth G’s parents for a couple of nights and book a hotel for the night of the big do (they live too far out of town for convenience).  An awful lot of the hotels are all full already, so we get to pay the waited too long to book premium which I resent, since we did have plans.   There will not be much socialising efforts expended on my behalf.

This caused me to spend most of my lunch break crying in the meeting room.

The whole blow everything off and become irresponsible world travelers sounds more and more appealing by the day.

Just checked expedia and the majority of the hotels in Rocky are already completely full for that date.  I don’t like Rockhampton very much right now, and we are supposed to be spending Christmas up there too.  I would much rather save our pennies and do this instead.

 

 

It’s all new and shiny!

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Yesterday the blog came down for some much needed repair- it was lacking the ability to load photos.  G has now rebuilt it a bit, so that it has a new theme, and everything works.  It even has a mobile site option so you can read it on a mobile device!  And some other fun stuff that will need to be updated at a later point.

But, one of the things that didn’t get backed up, and wasn’t saved anywhere was my blogroll.  While some was reconstructed by G (interesting to see which sites he remembers!) and I will add more, it is possible that some may be missed.  If you were there before, andwant to continue to be, or if you read here regularly- let me know in the comments.

And, just to check the picture loading capabilities…

Bowl of cherries

all the things he said and goal setting

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So, we saw a therapist last week, as part of the IVF process. It was useful, made me think about the options we have. I cried through most of it.

When undertaking IVF, each single cycle has less than fantastic odds. Something that is glossed over by the clinics. The point the therapist made is that it is more likely to end in failure (each cycle) than success and yet we willingly put ourselves though it. Strangely enough this causes much stress and emotional pain. over and over again, throwing ourselves into it.

So it’s stressful. But I still went through with it, and will again.

He did stress the importance of having a plan (beyond the plan to do another cycle). Set a limit to how long/how many cycles. Have a plan for what happens if it fails.

So, I have arbitrarily decided that 4 cycles is my maximum (does this include the first cycle? not sure). G is on board with this decision. This will probably take us into next year, as time is needed between cycles. It is also only for egg retrieval cycles, if we manage to actually obtain some frozen embryos, I will keep going on those.

Plan B? Well there are two options.
The Adoption Option- Take advantage of the fact that I have US citizenship, move there, find a job (hmmm) and attempt to adopt. Adoption in Australia is very rare and difficult, partially because of social worker attitudes (after the stolen generation, very understandable) and government attitudes (very negative towards overseas adoption). But if go to the US and adopt, less of an issue. I realise that this sounds flippant, it isn’t- if we go to the effort of giving up our jobs and moving to a new country, it is a serious decision.

The lack of responsibility option- This one is a tad trickier. J will finish high school in a couple of years. Conveniently about a year or so after the towel is thrown in on the fertility project, which gives time to save, then off on an irresponsible world travel adventure.

One of the other points the therapist made was regarding control, and all the things we give up as part the process. As he pointed out, we willingly enter into one of the most stressful processes known to man and then give up all of the things that help us cope- caffeine, alcohol, exercise, fun. We undertake weirder and weirder therapies to help- after all, having gone to the trouble and expense of IVF why not optimise our chances.
So my start healthy eating and exercise plan not so original then? Then again, some exercise does help me destress.

Also, just as a comment, something that I wish I had known, not that it would have changed anything (i think). I have had a (early) miscarriage, and the not pregnant diagnosis was on a level with that emotionally. I Have read a few IVF blogs, and seen negative diagnoses, but no one ever put it into words that resonated with me. I know that a living embryo was put back and my body managed to reject it. Buckets of tears on that. And yet, I am willingly subjecting myself to this again, potentially. Prepare accordingly.

And the eating challenge- one of the challenges this week is to publicise our goals. While I would like to lose about half a kilo a week for the next 6 months ( unless of course a miracle happens), my primary goal is to work towards eating healthier. Which, based on my online diary, seems to mean more carbs(! i undereat on carbs!) and less fat. The other goal is to be happier- do things that make me happier. Yet my craft box remains untouched for the last week…

Update

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So we went to Melbourne this weekend. It was lots of in, in between the stressy moments. I ate yummy food, drank good coffee and some wine and generally relaxed.

More details to follow at a later point, when Hopefully the blog will let me post photos.

I am undertaking an eating challenge my sister encouraged me to do. While I have noticed that tracking my daily food has made me think harder about what I eat, it was perhaps not the best timing to go to Australia’s premier food city.

We had the therapist consultation last week, during which I cried lots. He made several valid points, some of which I will try to write about later. Takeaway point. IVF is very very hard emotionally. which I knew intellectually going in, but can certainly attest to the fact that this didn’t stop me. Also, in order to be accredited in Australia, anIVF clinic MUST make the services of a therapist/ psych doctor available ( we get one session with this guy every time we have ivf). Cancer units are not required to have this available, but fertility clinics are.

Lastly, this is typed on my iPad, which means my ability to control certain spellings and spacing and random capitalisation is limited. And WordPress doesn’t give me the spell check option on the iPad!

Communication

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I have been gaining some life lessons recently, and one of the most important has been communication.

So, we have had G’s son J here with us for a couple of weeks, unexpectedly.  By and large this has been good.  J has been diagnosed with high-functioning autism.  This is not immediately obvios, but extended conversation indicates that he is not the average 15 year old.  At the moment he is very interested in travel, including details like the type of airplane, and weather.  This means that casual conversation comments such as “this is nice weather” suddenly allow him to discourse extensively on the natural disasters that have befallen various Australian cities recently.

Not that there is anything wrong with being able to go into indepth conversation on various things, I have no problem with this, but he lacks the ability to see when people are surprised by the conversational turn.  It is interesting to note that the typical adult response to an unexpected conversational gambit is to kind of ignore it and gloss over to the next topic.  It’s interesting, because I suspect that this is how people react to individuals with dementia as well, ignoring the abnormal comments.  It must be very frustrating to offer what one thinks of as an appropriate conversational gambit and have others ignore it.  Well, I know it is frustrating, but it must be more so to have this happen all the time.  So, making a more conscious effort to indicate why the conversation is shifting, or pushing for further explanation of non-sequitors.

The second communication issue popped up over the weekend.  First we received a text, asking if J could be sent back early! Hmm, cost is double that of original ticket, so no.  Then a call to J, telling him his mum’s partner has moved out.  This kind of freaked me out, because there is a cascade of other issues involved if she had broken things off with the partner.  But no, as it turns out, not broken up, although it was another 2 days before this came up.

Then a further text yesterday, asking if J could  stay an extra couple of days.  This is a bigger issue, we have a trip to Melbourne the day after he was supposed to leave, and it is a work trip for me, so any cancellation would be very messy.  Not impressed.  It turns out that the partner has moved out, because he is moving early to our state.  He is driving, which will involve traversing the Nullabor, so the ex (hereafter referred to a s X) doesn’t want him to do that alone, so they are driving here, hence the need to delay J.  Argh!  So we either have to pass him on to my Mum (awkward, although he gets along) or put him on a flight to Rockhampton.  So G spent 3 hours last night sorting this out.

Sigh, much of this pain could have been avoided had we been given some indications.  Even the flight thing, if the whole story had been provided.  So lesson here is try to communicate up front, it saves a lot of pain at the end.

Oh, and not sure which irritates me more- the overly political co-worker (idealogically opposed to me) who assumes we all share the same attitude, or the totally oblivious one who believes everything she is told.

Tough call