It’s been a busy week.  Lots of meetings, and we are heading into a significant date for the industry, so stress abounds.

It’s still hot.  Very little wind, and no rain in sight.  This makes it not great.  I am avoiding lunchtime walks, due to the heat, and the high UV index.  So fitness is struggling.  But tonight I tried a fit hoop class- 30 minutes of hula hooping with aerobics as well. Ouch. I struggled to hula, let alone step and squat while doing so.  But for the bits without the hoop- squats and push ups- I managed fine.  So the Pilates classes are helping. But clearly I need to add some more cardio exercise into my regime.

I spoke to the clinic nurse on Tuesday. So, as a result, I am on a higher dose pill for the next month ish, with the aim of egg collection 10 December.  Planning on no bleeding between then and now.  I am kind of curious as to whether this will work- I am one of the lucky people for whom skipping the sugar pills to hold off a period does not work.

I am powering through the Percy Jackson books.  Surprisingly good.

I am sure there is more, but can’t remember it.


Today was intense.  Not sure why, but very tired at the end.  It was a very hot day, finishing with a thunderstorm.  So hot I did not feel a lunch walk was a good idea.  The sun was too intense.

I spoke about being kind to myself last week.  This week? I am angry with my body. But not angry enough to go for a walk in the heat. I am not happy with my weight. I am not happy with the fact I am not pregnant. I am not happy with the state of my periods. I have bug bites from one of the garage sales. Generally not happy.

But putting myself on an extreme diet, or doing too much exercise, or going to the other extreme and eating a few bars of chocolate, is not helpful.  Nor is doing nothing.  

The last couple of weeks have not been great weeks in health outcomes.  This next week will be hard too.  A heat wave in my state, and a week of risk management workshops. 

Frustrating that I am so irritated after a relaxing weekend.   A Grumpy Monday, despite the fact I didn’t feel grumpy for most of the day. 

I just need to keep moving through the week, and hoping it will be better.

a mellow weekend

A pretty relaxing weekend.  Yoga and the CBD on Friday. Saturday was garage sale trail day.  This is an Australia wide thing, where people register their garage sales, and maybe team up with others to have big garage sales.  It’s great, because while individual garage sales may not have items you are interested, when there is a whole street of them, the odds are better.  Anyway, we went to one around the corner, billing itself as a vintage group sale.  Yes there was vintage, but there was also a lot of baby and kids stuff.

Then G had to go into work for an hour.  I went to a cafe and had a nice latte and fruit toast. When he was done we went to a couple more interesting sales, which were in areas where they were several sales.  We did get a few bits and pieces.  In the afternoon I managed to do some sorting of the back room, getting rid of a number of cookbooks.

Today, more sorting of stuff and laundry.  Then I watched several episodes of the great British bake off and embroidered.  Progress is being meda. But the current section is all French knots, and there isn’t as extensive guidance on the placement of colours

About an hour in

Close up

Finished for the day.  It’s getting there, slowly. French knots are not one of my favourite stitches, this is a challenge.

I was also able to read. In all a quiet and relaxing weekend.  Which I needed.  This week I need to sort out my IVF cycle.  It’s been two years since I last did one (time flies).

divining with entrails

Old forms of fortune telling would probably be about as accurate as reading whether the symptoms are pregnancy or not.  I wish that after five years I would have learned to mellow out about this, but apparently not.  Each cycle is a roller coaster of yes-nos. 

And the fact my cycle is no longer a consistent length just makes it worse.  My period should arrive between yesterday and Monday.  No testing till Tuesday. That is my choice, because I hate testing an getting a negative more than I hate waiting.

The fact that I felt less energetic last week could be interpreted as a good sign, except that lethargy disappeared on Friday. As did my card and chocolate cravings.  Which is interesting considering that pop culture presents those as period symptoms.  Not for me, they are clearly pre- menstrual. But two weeks of not so much walking still held my pace down on Friday.  

Cramps, ovarian tinges and faint nausea things could go both ways.  I think I had some decent ovarian cysts, and I was getting a wallop from their hormones. And lest anyone think they are positive symptoms, they do appear many months for me.

My husband prefers to be optimistic until proven otherwise.  I like to think that I am more pragmatic, but I still get upset.



Because it’s not enough that something or other has prevented me from doing an IVF cycle the last two times, the plan for a late November through December cycle is also an issue.  The last day we can do an egg retrieval with a five day biopsy is December 10. Which is ok, except that my cycle has been a tad unpredictable.  If, and it’s a pretty big if, it starts tomorrow (as glow says it should) and its a thirty day cycle, we would be home safe by a few days.  But my cycle has been tending towards 32 day, and that just stuffs it up.  So the proposal is to put me on a high estrogen  pill. Apparently Apple autocorrect reads estrogen as stroganoff.  High stroganoff pill!  

I did point out that I am one of those unfortunate people who was never able to manipulate my cycle with the pill. Hence the high estrogen.  The nurses will consult the doctor and get back to me Monday.

It’s starting to feel like this fourth ivf cycle will never happen.

In other news, the donor process with my sister is moving along.  We had our mandatory counselling, they will have theirs next week.

It is making me articulate my end point. This fourth cycle will be my last one (not counting any FETs).  If we don’t have viable embryos from this and my sister’s cycle, that is the end.  No multiple donor cycles.  No further attempts (apart from efforts at natural conception).

We are heading to Japan December 19.  If I have an ivf cycle in December, we will get the news on embryos in the week before.  At least I will have a holiday to recharge if the news is bad.  Expect much raw fish eating if it is.


dang it

I think it is just my body realising that I am upping the exercise and cutting the kilojoules.  I am starving by lunch.  I don’t have much energy when I go for a walk, I am slow and struggle.  It doesn’t help that my favourite stretch of the walk is off limits until mid 2015 (bikeway upgrade). Hopefully it will be better next week.  I still went to Pilates tonight and am booked for tomorrow again.

I rang the clinic to see if we could schedule our next round of IVF for my next cycle (as in starting next week).  It’s been two years since we did a cycle, I’ve been putting it off and it feels like fate conspires against us. Last time (for this cycle) the absence of the head embryologist at a key point meant no biopsy, so no cycle.  This time, it’s political.  My city is hosting G20 in November due to this, we have an extra public holiday and lots of services will be limited.  My clinic is in the restricted zone. The hospital is in the restricted zone.  The day surgery theatres will be shut.  Guess when my potential egg retrieval would be? So no cycle this month. Definitely on the cards for December, but if my cycle is a little later than expected, that will also have issues (we will be heading to Japan).

Look what I saw today on my walk.  I took a picture and at the sound, the head turned and I got a better shot 


Our apartment is a bit messy at the moment.  I am never the most organised/tidiest person, and the last couple of weekends have not helped.  

We both work full time, so house tidying needs to happen on the weekends where it competes with gym time, shopping, general relaxing and events.  And October has been a very eventful month.  My stepbrother turned 40, necessitating two nights of celebration.  We went to a Pinot noir tasting event (5 hours of Pinot!). And this weekend, the good food and wine show.  Throw in the sorting of craft boxes that happened prior to the fabricabrac (which I meant to write about, but didn’t) and the place looks like we could be in an episode of hoarders.

We need to sort out the back room ( clutter dumping ground) as J is coming for a visit in two weeks.

This just adds more pressure to tidy up.  But it needs to be done well, otherwise it perpetuates our problem.

I have started throwing out cookbooks.  We have a lot, G never uses them ( he prefers the Internet). I do, but not enough.

I find doing a little every day helps.  It reduces the whole hold on to everything mode, but it also does not reach the throw out everything mode.  But it is so slow.

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