Thoughts

Writing this in late May, not to be published for a month.

I rang the clinic to get a blood test today. The nurse was very happy for me – once she opened my file.  Because of work timing I couldn’t go until midday, so no official confirmation yet.

I  seem to be mellower this time. Maybe because I have accepted that if things go wrong there is very little I can do to control or prevent it at this point.  Yes, there is still fear at the back of my head, but I also know that I can’t do anything with that fear.

Hopefully I can remain this way.

Pottermore

I signed up to pottermore when it first started, but did not progress far. This was in large part due to the fact that t didn’t work properly on iPads, so I had to be on my computer, which was not in the main room. It looked interesting, progressing through the books, learning spells etc.

But it was not to be. At some point there was a total revamp. I went back today, because of the new stuff about magic in North America.  I went through the sorting process for the American magic school, Ilvermorny.

Interesting. In Hogwarts I was sorted into Ravenclaw, there may have been some careful selection of answers to produce that result. With Ilvermorny, I had no preconceptions of the houses, so did not seek a particular house. I got Pukwudgie.  Still not sure of the implications (there is not a lot of description), but pretty sure it doesn’t align with Ravenclaw. 

I miss the old pottermore. I always liked jk Rowling’s website, with its little widgets and surprise events, and pottermore had many of the same elements. The new one is a bit more promotiony about the new movie and the books and just has things to read.

Worries

Another post written in May, for reading later.

I am exactly 5 weeks today- oh the benefits of a memorable day 1. 

Which I celebrated by going to a five hour wine tasting. Sigh. I booked the tickets about 3 months ago, because I am a firm believer in living your life, not waiting to do things just in case. Because if that were the case we would have done very little.

Anyway, we went, and I took a little plastic cup to spit the wine into. We get very nice wine glasses as part of the tasting(and take them home), and all of the tasting tables have spittoons, but I know from experience that they are not easy to use or get to. My cup was bright yellow, and a tad tacky, but it worked. I think all up I swallowed less than half a glass of wine- and that includes one actual whole sip that I swallowed. G, on the other hand probably drank 3 or 4 glasses of wine cumulatively.

But there is still the little worry in the back of my head saying “what if it goes wrong”. And googling does not provide comfort. I found a top ten list of worries, with reasons not to worry. Number three- miscarriage. And it didn’t help.  My chances of a miscarriage, according to my age bracket, are around 34%. Which would be comforting if I hadn’t experienced a 100% rate of it occurring.  Even better, once you see a heartbeat the chance is less than 5%.  Some of that 5 % do read the internet you know.

 

Not as expected

I am writing this may 29, with a hefty delay.  Things may have changed by the time this publishes, but I need to both write about it, and not have it out at this point.

I went for the combo massage facial G got me for my birthday (it was in March and I finally got around to booking it now). 

When I got there I had to fill in a health form as it had been a while since I went there. I half ticked on pregnant because I am about a week late. She made a face and said no massages on first trimester. So I went to the chemist (drugstore) across the road, bought a pregnancy test and used the bathroom at the massage place.

So I am pregnant, it appears.

And I got to tell my husband via text.

I am happy, but I have had 4 miscarriages, so will wait on the happy.  Maybe the fibroid removal worked.

And I have cramps (that’s my symptom list). And I had a horrible thought this morning, back when I first got pregnant the expected miscarriage rate was about 1 in 4.  At my advanced age it’s more like 1 in 2.  I don’t like those odds.

A bit of a surprise

Starting from tomorrow, a bunch of posts I wrote about a month ago will start to publish.  When I wrote them I made the decision to put a publish date a month in the future because I thought things would have resolved by then. This is mostly true, but there is still uncertainty.

About a month ago, we found out I was/am pregnant. Surprise! At the time I started writing I thought I was about five weeks, so I thought that a month in the future would either see us on the other side of a miscarriage (yes, I am that optimistic) or that we would have gotten past the week eight mark. Not quite so easy, timing was a bit out, and I am only about eight weeks along, so not quite so far.

It may get a little confusing, as I don’t think I can manage to keep putting everything four weeks in the future. I just needed to to get past the problematic weeks. Each post was simply put four weeks ahead, so it will take a month to publish.

I think the last pregnancy got to eight weeks, but I honestly cannot remember (and don’t want to look).  Our odds have improved, but they are still worse than many.

Not quite so positive

A bit more of a struggle to find the positive this week.

Mostly because it feels like I have IT gremlins. I am one of the test cases for a change to our usernames at work. A lack of communication between the main IT team and the person who maintains the two databases I spend the most time on meant that I was locked out of the databases for two days. Not awesome. On the plus side, I intend to have some solid feedback for the rollout process, which will hopefully help make it less painful than the last rollout.

And today, I came into work to find three workstations along the wall, including mine had no power. One person is on leave today, one had a nearby working power point, and I had nothing. So working off my laptop(I miss my big screens) and trying to charge things. Not awesome. And made more frustrating by the fact it was just one switch. But it’s fixed!

And it’s cold. I know not really cold- we are getting down to 7 degrees Celsius. But Queensland houses are not built to hold onto heat, they are the same temperature as outside in the winter. And our winter clothes are not warm. In part because in the sun, it can be very warm. Double glazing happens only in very noisy areas, not to keep homes warm. Our house has fans and an air conditioner. And we bought one tiny heater a couple of weeks ago. One heater. Hence the complaints about cold. 

Yes, the Queensland winter, where people will wear a t-shirt, jeans, a winter jacket and scarf and sandals. And then complain how cold they are. It is a very cold winter- colder than the last few years.  But when you go inside, whether it be shops, houses or office buildings, they are rarely much warmer than outside. I might even be able to bring out my gloves!

The weekend was quite good though. We spent most of Saturday doing very little, thanks to some health issues. On Sunday I ventured out to the Lifeline Bookfest and then some crafting with Elle. Relaxing and fun.

 

Book thoughts

It’s been a busy week, the QCWA branch I joined went from being a sub branch to a full branch yesterday, so lots of organising. Not much time for other things.

But there is always time for reading.

I finished reading Terry Pratchett’s Monstrous Regiment today.  I can remember not enjoying it the first time I read it, a few years ago, but it really has improved on me.  I think sometimes he wrote a little ahead of the curve of things happening. Jingo, which is a very good take on a pointless war was published before the second Iraq war, and yet carries so much of emotions of that time, and how awful the result was.  Monstrous regiment is really an extended treatise on why war, and constant war is bad for a country’s soul. It is also a really fascinating meditation on what happens when women take on the role of men.  In the book they do so for a variety of reasons, mostly for necessity.  Given the handwringing that is going about transgender people right now, in more conservative circles, it is interesting to see a book that was written close to a decade ago pick up some of the concerns about one gender behaving as the other.  It has an interesting take on masculinity. 

its always hard to come to the end of his books.  He ends them well, but you don’t want the story to end and to have to leave that world.