Wildlife observation

We called in at the local library to pick up some books we had on hold, and on the path in, found this little guy.

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He was remarkably calm

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Scurrying around looking for something to nibble

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It looked like a native mouse. He tolerated our little photo session, then a woman and child came up ( we were squatting on the path) and she started taking photos too. The kid seemed rather nonplussed.

A lazy weekend

Four day weekend. Spent it being quite lazy. Friday was breakfast at my mum’s and an afternoon of tidying. Saturday was a gym visit then an afternoon of craft and wining. Sunday was as little as possible, and dinner out for G’s birthday. Monday, lazing around and some embroidery done.

Feeling pretty mellow. The gym class was a cardio class (trampoline aerobics) and I managed runs 2 and 3 of the first week of the couch to 5 k program. Working on getting some fitness back.
Trying to finish off my seaside embroidery before the USA trip.

Huh

My blog stats have fallen off a cliff, perhaps because I haven’t been writing. And my favorite part of the stats no longer shows up properly, due to interaction. Between google and wordpress. I used to be able to see what searches landed people on my blog ( and some of them were… Interesting). I can kind of tell when common searches are happening, because certain posts pop up. Apparently there is worldwide interest in animals made from veggies. And this interest is constant.

Life meanders along. Work is both tedious and tiring. Lots of document review of procedures. Boring and somewhat pointless. I have gotten better at weeding out the truly pointless though.

We bought an over locker on the weekend. A cheapie in Aldi inspired a visit to cash converters, which resulted in a new to me Elna coming home. Stay tuned for adventures in threading it.

So looking forward to easter 4 days off, followed by 3 days of work then another public holiday (ANZAC day). And these public holidays are the ones where everything truly shuts. More sacred than Christmas holidays in a way ( and from a religious point of view, Easter is more important than Christmas).

I am not talking much about infertility at the moment, mostly because we are in a holding pattern. The upcoming holiday means that not much energy or money to do another IVF round, and the possibility of going elsewhere for work means reluctance to plan ahead beyond June. It’s been over a year since my last IVF, not sure I want to go through all of that again. I am currently on CD 28 and not sure. Not feeling pregnant, but not feeling imminently NOT pregnant either.

What I did last weekend

This has been a busy and frustrating week, and the weekend has been quiet, but last weekend we did something!

We went to Supanova, on the gold coast and we dressed up. Supanova bills itself as a pop culture con, so it is a mixed bag. They pull in a number of b and c celebs ( big draws for the one in Melbourne this weekend were Verne Troyer and Lucy Lawless). But you have to pay for an autograph or picture. So we do go for that.

Last year we went because a favorite author was selling copies of her latest book about a month before its official release date. Also, there was a Nintendo stall, so I racked up the street pass hits on my 3ds. This year G was enthused about an author( Jim butcher) and I wanted art. So we went again, but we went steam punk

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I was meant to be a rally car driver- I am also wearing nice brown boots. Did i mention it was a very warm day?
G

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It was fun. G got a number of pictures of other cosplayers, but I was busy processing my street pass hits…

Simple pleasure

I love riding the train. I am on a train back from the gold coast as I write this. I got a lift down to a work conference this morning, but almost everyone else is staying down there for the second day, and I am not.

So I caught the train back.

I like seeing the world from a train- its different to the view presented to the road. The back gardens of row houses in London suburbs, rural rice fields in Japan, the backside of suburbs in Australia. I love looking at life from this view. I thinks it’s because mostly the presentation of buildings is aimed at the road, and at a lower level, so trains provide perspective on other elements of the city, or of the town.

Some cities and countries have better trains- I find Melbourne and Brisbane better than Sydney. I love Japan trains. I have fond memories of the old British rail, but suspect it is no more. We will be experiencing Amtrak in the US. Swiss trains were also fun.

Good days and bad days

I think that I have had a run of good days, and weeks where I haven’t had IF issues. And then I get hit with bad days.

A bad dream last night, a crappy Work day ( no real reason, but feeling under appreciated) and a lunch out ( which was to show appreciation!). Where there was extensively discussion of babies. Sigh.

Throw in the feeling that this month is going to be another negative and just. Not happy.

It doesn’t help that over the weekend I read two books that included a “surprise pregnancy even though condoms were used” plot twist. One I could cope with, but two just make me sad

Happiness part two

It’s taken a while, this is still percolating in the brain. I grew up mostly in the USA, but my parents are English, we spent a couple of years in England and I now live in Australia. Happiness, the perception of and acceptance of are cultural in my opinion.

One of the longest lasting things I learned in college, while in Geneva, was the idea that every country has a founding and existing myth, a story about who they are and what they are. It isn’t the pretty history book one, but the underlying story, they why people do things and make the decisions they do. America’s myth is very optimistic, very self focused and WASPy. The idea is that anyone can achieve great things ( success) no matter how poor or low their birth/life/situation. Hard work and dedication will take you there. The culture also self identifies as WASP, to the extent that us soldiers in Europe in WWII looked down on some of the country people they “rescued” even though they were the same ethnicity. ( that was one of the more interesting bits from that history class).

American culture is optimistic. The country was founded by people who moved looking for a better life. They believed at they could make a change for the better. This is why there are so many crackpot cults there too- they too believe that they can change things positively. It’s also why the culture doesn’t do black humor particularly well, it just doesn’t sit right.

Contrast this with Australia, where the myth is of the Aussie battler, the little guy doing it tough in his lower middle/working class job with a house in the burbs and a domestically made car in the garage. He is less optimistic, more pessimistic and both more defiant against and more accepting of authority than the US. Many Aussies are descended from unwilling travellers, and many others come from a culture where this was the least bad option ( ten pound poms). The white Australia policy shut out many of those more optimistic Asians, so they went elsewhere when emigrating ( the USA?).

I can’t quite work out the UK myth, but pessimism is also more prevalent.

So, this affects how we see happiness. In the US happiness is a right, and almost a responsibility. People are expected to be positive. It’s kind of hard to see from the inside though, but the cultural touchstones are happy, positive people. The cheerleaders, not the goths. And the pressure is to be the source of your own happiness. I grew up there, and I have internalized this.

So, I think that we do bear some responsibility for our own happiness. This is not to say that other people are not important to our happiness, not at all. Other people are probably the greatest sources for our happiest moments, and our least happy moments. What I mean is that we have to create some of the conditions for our own happy.

I was talking to a friend this weekend ( couple of weekends now) and she talked about a friend of hers, who is married, has two kids and a house but cannot settle on a career. He is always chasing the next moneymaking dream, spending a lot of time and money chasing this through different educational degrees. He wants to be successful with money, the next big score is always coming when he finishes whatever degree is doing. In the meantime his wife is working full time, juggling the kids and managing everything, and he is missing out on their childhood. He is not satisfied within himself, and no job will ever make him happy.

This is like a lot of life with infertility, we are always looking for the next thing ( treatment, diet, meds) that will give us the child(ren) we want. Ultimately, some of us have to accept that we cannot have that, and learn to be happy without. And some of us get that, and discover that it is not the magic key after all. I think I am starting to get to the point where I can see my life as happy without, that there will always be a sad bit, but that sad bit doesn’t overwhelm the rest. Most of the time at least.

At least the week is over

It’s been a busy week at work. Not in terms of anticipated projects, I thought I was getting on top of everything and would have to time to start working on long term goals, and then a flurry of need an answer now research things, including a very specific reporting numbers to ensure tax calculations are done issue, which swallowed my Friday

So comforting to know that after half an hour on the phone to the tax office, and the person at the other end consulting experts, I still had a better grasp of the issue than them, and I was calling for answers. But I rang back that afternoon on a much simpler connected issue and found the person who could answer the questions. Win, but why couldn’t he have answered the phone in the morning?

On the standing desk thing

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This is my set up. Not ideal, in terms of monitors, but for a lot of the time I am doing the stand thing, I am working with paper, so easier. Easy to break it down when I sit. The pooing issue seems to have been a one time only, which is good. My feet do start to hurt after while- flats are better than heels, and bare/socked feet seem even better ( but difficult in a office environment). I am not standing perfectly still, there is shifting, and since document review works well for this, a fair amount of walking to the printer and back. My back does feel better after doing this, but I think I need to work on my posture. If I still think its a workable thing after a week or two, I may talk to HR about ways to make it more permanent.

Going to supanova today, in some homemade steampunk costumes, there may be pictures later

Insights and minor achievements.

I was not fooled by any Internet April fools. I loathe practical jokes so this makes me happy. I did however manage to catch all 150 Pokemon in the google maps extravaganza. I didn’t find the secret 151st one, but that’s because I chose not to.

I also really liked the dear author one, which fooled G for a little while….

I managed to clear most of my document review inbox at work, only to have that accomplishment thwarted by the fact that the admin doc submitter decided to submit 10 procedures… It’s ok, because I suspect several will not require an actual review. I can skim over and say no review required.

I decided to try a standing desk experiment- in part because I saw a tv comment about how sitting is not good for our health and in part because I can feel myself slumping in the chair. So, I used a couple of archive boxes to create a higher surface for my keyboard and mouse. My screens can be set up so that I can see them and do work. This was how I reviewed most of the documents, and I stood for about 3 hours. Due to the not quite flat nature of the boxes, extended typing is best done sitting. Anyway, not sure about the other health benefits, but I slumped less. And I had a weird additional reaction- after about an hour I started pooing. Not actual standing at my desk, but the standing seems to have fired up the various bowel systems.

I’ve gotten to flex my research muscles a little this week- left field queries that require thought.

I am sure there are more achievements, I just don’t know what.

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