My last post was about whether the whole process will be worth it, and I need to think about it.
There are three sorts of costs that go along with the whole IF thing.
1. Monetary cost- well, IVF isn’t cheap. Nor are the various other bits and pieces. Now, apparently this is nothing against the cost of an actual child, but I don’t anticipate that anyone is going to be asking me to fork over thousands of dollars for an activity the child may get to do. Which is what IVF is, an activity that may not provide an actual child. We are fortunate, much of the cost is covered by the health system, and some by our private insurance and between our wages and my mum’s help we have been able to afford this. But it has come at a monetary cost. As my husband says, the money doesn’t matter. Well, it does, but it isn’t the most significant cost.
2. Time. The whole process costs time. We have been on this journey for over four years. That’s four years where a lot of time has been spent waiting for results, waiting for procedures, waiting to see.
3. Emotional. This is the biggie. The emotional cost is hard to quantify, because it is intangible, but there are relationships that are frayed as a result of this process, there are activities I have given up, there is a lot of baggage that I can’t imagine losing. This is from both angles- the recurring miscarriages and the IVF disappointments. My inner happiness level has taken a few jumps down.
When faced with the seemingly endless stories about how financially disastrous it is to be a mum, how parents are not really happier than non-parents, how my quality of life will take a dive ( compared to what?!), it can be really hard to see why putting us through the wringer of treatments is a good idea. And it is really hard to say, those stories could be by childless people, trying to convince themselves that life is better, or they could be by the parents who refuse to drink the Koolaid and want the truth out there. Some people are meant to be parents and others aren’t, but we usually don’t work it out until we are one. What if I go through all this to discover that I am not a good parent? Or that I hate it?
At what point do I think that the costs are not outweighed by the potential for a baby? And that is the worst part- there is no guaranteed happy ending, but we still have to pay.