Because it’s not enough that something or other has prevented me from doing an IVF cycle the last two times, the plan for a late November through December cycle is also an issue.  The last day we can do an egg retrieval with a five day biopsy is December 10. Which is ok, except that my cycle has been a tad unpredictable.  If, and it’s a pretty big if, it starts tomorrow (as glow says it should) and its a thirty day cycle, we would be home safe by a few days.  But my cycle has been tending towards 32 day, and that just stuffs it up.  So the proposal is to put me on a high estrogen  pill. Apparently Apple autocorrect reads estrogen as stroganoff.  High stroganoff pill!  

I did point out that I am one of those unfortunate people who was never able to manipulate my cycle with the pill. Hence the high estrogen.  The nurses will consult the doctor and get back to me Monday.

It’s starting to feel like this fourth ivf cycle will never happen.

In other news, the donor process with my sister is moving along.  We had our mandatory counselling, they will have theirs next week.

It is making me articulate my end point. This fourth cycle will be my last one (not counting any FETs).  If we don’t have viable embryos from this and my sister’s cycle, that is the end.  No multiple donor cycles.  No further attempts (apart from efforts at natural conception).

We are heading to Japan December 19.  If I have an ivf cycle in December, we will get the news on embryos in the week before.  At least I will have a holiday to recharge if the news is bad.  Expect much raw fish eating if it is.


dang it

I think it is just my body realising that I am upping the exercise and cutting the kilojoules.  I am starving by lunch.  I don’t have much energy when I go for a walk, I am slow and struggle.  It doesn’t help that my favourite stretch of the walk is off limits until mid 2015 (bikeway upgrade). Hopefully it will be better next week.  I still went to Pilates tonight and am booked for tomorrow again.

I rang the clinic to see if we could schedule our next round of IVF for my next cycle (as in starting next week).  It’s been two years since we did a cycle, I’ve been putting it off and it feels like fate conspires against us. Last time (for this cycle) the absence of the head embryologist at a key point meant no biopsy, so no cycle.  This time, it’s political.  My city is hosting G20 in November due to this, we have an extra public holiday and lots of services will be limited.  My clinic is in the restricted zone. The hospital is in the restricted zone.  The day surgery theatres will be shut.  Guess when my potential egg retrieval would be? So no cycle this month. Definitely on the cards for December, but if my cycle is a little later than expected, that will also have issues (we will be heading to Japan).

Look what I saw today on my walk.  I took a picture and at the sound, the head turned and I got a better shot 


Our apartment is a bit messy at the moment.  I am never the most organised/tidiest person, and the last couple of weekends have not helped.  

We both work full time, so house tidying needs to happen on the weekends where it competes with gym time, shopping, general relaxing and events.  And October has been a very eventful month.  My stepbrother turned 40, necessitating two nights of celebration.  We went to a Pinot noir tasting event (5 hours of Pinot!). And this weekend, the good food and wine show.  Throw in the sorting of craft boxes that happened prior to the fabricabrac (which I meant to write about, but didn’t) and the place looks like we could be in an episode of hoarders.

We need to sort out the back room ( clutter dumping ground) as J is coming for a visit in two weeks.

This just adds more pressure to tidy up.  But it needs to be done well, otherwise it perpetuates our problem.

I have started throwing out cookbooks.  We have a lot, G never uses them ( he prefers the Internet). I do, but not enough.

I find doing a little every day helps.  It reduces the whole hold on to everything mode, but it also does not reach the throw out everything mode.  But it is so slow.

be kind to yourself

I had a nicer post planned, but today has not been great.  The best thing today was a work meeting I had been dreading.

I have been keeping track of my food intake as well as my exercise through an app.  I had been doing very well on this, no my body responded by craving sugar.  So after a disappointingly slow walk today I bought two chocolate bars.  And ate them both.  I struggled with the walk, the heat doesn’t help, but also the fact that it is the tail end of the TWW has a negative impact on my exercise capabilities. (Every twinge makes me think pregnant! Even though I know better).

Work was full of tedious review of already seen, badly written letters and documents.  My job is to ensure compliance, not clarity of writing.  

Tonight, I,want to curl up with a book,and a bowl of ice cream.  I’m not going to do that, but I am not going to punish myself either. Take some time to read and be relaxed.  


Where I work has a bit of a disengaged worker problem.  This is apparently a mystery to upper management. Today I had an active demonstration of exactly why they have one.

I had to drop everything earlier in the week to draft a submission, because management couldn’t make a decision earlier on whether to do one.  I did it, and finished early. Sent it round for comment. Radio. Silence.  So today I asked the person who was coordinating the response (wth!) as I need to submit today.  They have ripped out any acknowledgement that I or my department did any work on it, and I am to submit with someone else as the contact. So it looks like I did nothing

Included in the email is a comment as how much better the document is now it has been reworked.  Thanks, that makes me feel so appreciated.  Not.  Plus side to removing the identifiers, they also removed my moderation of their stupider comments.  So when the news story picks up the stupidity- it’s all on them. ( this did actually happen once)

Edit: still slightly bitter on this, but my manager does know I did the work, and the story I told in the submission ( the one they pulled out because it didn’t fit the whining tone they wanted).  Tidied my typing too.


Today I finished a draft of a response paper that needs to be submitted Friday.  I have known we would be writing one since the draft Class Order came out, but we had to wait nearly three weeks for various management people to work it out.  Then I had to press for ideas.  Net result was that I had this Monday (yesterday) to Wednesday night to write it.  It’s due Friday. I am in meetings and events all day Thursday and I needed to give the other inputs time to read.  Anyway, I finished about midday today.  It’s not fantastic, but that is because I am having to argue a position I don’t completely agree with.  I had my manager and co worker read through, tidied it and sent it through.  So I have a whole extra day this week to finish other work stuff! Yay.  Actually a good thing, some other stuff has ambushed me.

I rang the clinic and forwarded my sisters referral.  Also yay. Although I did not make arrangements for my own cycle.  

And I rang and left a message with the therapist to arrange a counselling appt. 

both of these are things I have been putting off. So an actual achievement. 

And I went for a walk today. After little chance last week and an indulgent weekend, not so great.  But it is hot, and the part I usually walk on is blocked off for some form of construction.  I would be more tolerant of this, but the cyclists are still allowed to go through, so it can’t be major.

And here I am at the end of the day and I have read almost no microblog Monday posts, the day just ran away with me.  Not so happy about that.

Microblog Monday- acceptance

I think I am getting to the point I can say I accept the idea we may never have kids.  Again.  Usually when I get to this point something happens, and I end up at the beginning again.  That’s the thing about emotional cycles, they are not as easy as moving through each stage easily.

But accepting doesn’t mean I have given up.  As soon as I sort myself out (maybe tomorrow) I will call the clinic and kick off our next cycle.  And my sister’s donor cycle.

I have been meaning to sort myself out for six weeks.

  Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.

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