be kind to yourself

I had a nicer post planned, but today has not been great.  The best thing today was a work meeting I had been dreading.

I have been keeping track of my food intake as well as my exercise through an app.  I had been doing very well on this, no my body responded by craving sugar.  So after a disappointingly slow walk today I bought two chocolate bars.  And ate them both.  I struggled with the walk, the heat doesn’t help, but also the fact that it is the tail end of the TWW has a negative impact on my exercise capabilities. (Every twinge makes me think pregnant! Even though I know better).

Work was full of tedious review of already seen, badly written letters and documents.  My job is to ensure compliance, not clarity of writing.  

Tonight, I,want to curl up with a book,and a bowl of ice cream.  I’m not going to do that, but I am not going to punish myself either. Take some time to read and be relaxed.  


Where I work has a bit of a disengaged worker problem.  This is apparently a mystery to upper management. Today I had an active demonstration of exactly why they have one.

I had to drop everything earlier in the week to draft a submission, because management couldn’t make a decision earlier on whether to do one.  I did it, and finished early. Sent it round for comment. Radio. Silence.  So today I asked the person who was coordinating the response (wth!) as I need to submit today.  They have ripped out any acknowledgement that I or my department did any work on it, and I am to submit with someone else as the contact. So it looks like I did nothing

Included in the email is a comment as how much better the document is now it has been reworked.  Thanks, that makes me feel so appreciated.  Not.  Plus side to removing the identifiers, they also removed my moderation of their stupider comments.  So when the news story picks up the stupidity- it’s all on them. ( this did actually happen once)

Edit: still slightly bitter on this, but my manager does know I did the work, and the story I told in the submission ( the one they pulled out because it didn’t fit the whining tone they wanted).  Tidied my typing too.


Today I finished a draft of a response paper that needs to be submitted Friday.  I have known we would be writing one since the draft Class Order came out, but we had to wait nearly three weeks for various management people to work it out.  Then I had to press for ideas.  Net result was that I had this Monday (yesterday) to Wednesday night to write it.  It’s due Friday. I am in meetings and events all day Thursday and I needed to give the other inputs time to read.  Anyway, I finished about midday today.  It’s not fantastic, but that is because I am having to argue a position I don’t completely agree with.  I had my manager and co worker read through, tidied it and sent it through.  So I have a whole extra day this week to finish other work stuff! Yay.  Actually a good thing, some other stuff has ambushed me.

I rang the clinic and forwarded my sisters referral.  Also yay. Although I did not make arrangements for my own cycle.  

And I rang and left a message with the therapist to arrange a counselling appt. 

both of these are things I have been putting off. So an actual achievement. 

And I went for a walk today. After little chance last week and an indulgent weekend, not so great.  But it is hot, and the part I usually walk on is blocked off for some form of construction.  I would be more tolerant of this, but the cyclists are still allowed to go through, so it can’t be major.

And here I am at the end of the day and I have read almost no microblog Monday posts, the day just ran away with me.  Not so happy about that.

Microblog Monday- acceptance

I think I am getting to the point I can say I accept the idea we may never have kids.  Again.  Usually when I get to this point something happens, and I end up at the beginning again.  That’s the thing about emotional cycles, they are not as easy as moving through each stage easily.

But accepting doesn’t mean I have given up.  As soon as I sort myself out (maybe tomorrow) I will call the clinic and kick off our next cycle.  And my sister’s donor cycle.

I have been meaning to sort myself out for six weeks.

  Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.

USA trip- travel and accom thoughts

This post has been percolating for a while.

We flew over with Air New Zealand, as full service passengers.  This meant a flight from Brisbane to Auckland and then one from Auckland to LA.  Plus side this meant that we didn’t have to transfer terminals in Auckland, because we were already in the international one.  All the years I flew Brisbane-Sydney-LA, that was always a pain. Frustrating thing? We landed much later in the day than the Sydney flight, so our connecting flight to New York was also later.  It was on United.  

This was my first real encounter with the new TSA.  The last time I flew to the USA was 2002, and they were still working on protocols.  Do not like.  I have lived in countries with domestic and foreign terrorist issues, and they were not this awful. Major disincentive to travel to the USA and fly.

Our flight with United was delayed, and the gate switched. To top it off, when we had checked in back in Brisbane, seats had not been allocated to us, and we didn’t get them allocate for a while, so of course two middle seats, separated.  Not impressed.  But, they had a schematic of the plane showing empty seats and there were two economy plus seats next to each other, so we asked the gate staff if we could pay for an upgrade and she did it for free.  So warmer feelings from that.  The flight wasn’t bad.  Older plane, so the upgrade just gave us more legroom.

New York.  We happened to be there for a graduation weekend, we worked out later. So hotels were expensive.  We ended up with air BnB.  Because we were arriving at midnight, we needed to stay at one where someone could let us in(definitely an issue to consider). So we ended up with a private room but shared bathroom place on Roosevelt Island.  Since there are no hotels on Roosevelt Island, this was a unique experience. The bathroom and the bedroom were nice, clean and welcoming.  The hosts were nice, and not always in evidence.  Overall, it was a positive experience.

We took a Peter Pan/greyhound bus to Northampton. It’s the only public transport options that oes the whole way (trains go from NYC to Springfield, but a bus is needed for the rest anyway.  Just as painful as I remembered, with the added bonus of sketchy NYC bus terminal.

Accom at the reunion was a dorm room.  Just like I remember.

We rented a car for a few of the days we were in Northampton, and that was fun.

The night before we left for Chicago we stayed in Springfield.  We were at a La Quinta inn.  It was Memorial Day, so not as cheap as possible, but still one of the cheaper stays of our travels and the newest accomodation of the whole trip.  It was located in the rather decaying and depressing concrete mess of Springfield though.

The train from Springfield to Chicago was meant to be 22 hours, but the train was an hour late and delayed a further two on the way!  We were just in the coach seats, no bed options for us on this leg.  They were more comfy than an airplane, and we could check bags!  We had our own food for the afternoon, but ended up with breakfast in the dining car, that was nice.  It was really interesting to roll through upstate New York and several Midwest states.

In Chicago we were also unfortunate enough to be there for a grad weekend.  So again, air BnB .  This time, not so good.  We were in our own apartment. Up a super Steep staircase, which was tilty too.  The floors in the building were quite slanty. The bathroom was very sketchy, the bedroom was tiny and no air con. So we put the mattress in the living room. We would have stayed in a hotel, but the prices were insane.  The area we stayed in was on the verge of gentrification, but not yet.  That was an interesting experience.  Would not recommend that air BnB place, and it has made me more cautious about the concept.

We took the train from Chicago to San Fransisco. Close to three days.  Leave midday Sunday, arrive early Tuesday evening.  This time we booked sleepers. But we didn’t book the one with a private shower. The sleeper cars come with all meals included. The roomette we had was two chairs facing each other, the width of the room was the width of the chair, plus about 6 inches.  The two chairs slid together to make one bed, and the other bunk dropped down from above. Not the most comfy bed. The trip itself was great.  Food was good, views were nice, there were showers for the sleeper car. Much nicer than flying.

Our hotel in San Fransisco was a real hotel. Older, but a hotel. We didn’t use air BnB because the prices in SF were close  to the rate of hotel rooms.

My takeaways? The train was better than domestic air travel, but slow. Air BnB is useful, but the risk level of good vs bad is about where online hotel booking was ten years ago.

booky thoughts

I like reading Jezebel, and every so often when reading it I stumble into a comment thread of readers that make me think I have found my tribe. People who have read the same obscure or random books as me. A whole chain of those who read Many Waters. That’s the Wrinkle in time series book about the twins.  Biblical time travel. Or the song of the lioness series.

I loved those books growing up, and never had anyone to share them with.

I learned to read very young (3 apparently) and it is a defining part of my personality.  I always imagined being able to share that love with my children, and was worried that they would turn out to hate books and reading.  So it is something that hurts about not having any, that the experience of sharing much loved books may never be.  Sharing with adults is still possible, but has less of an impact.  


I am feeling pretty well, physically, this week.  My walks are averaging below 10 min per km, which is good.  And in my Pilates reformer classes, both my Tuesday and Wednesday teachers talked about how,tough their class would be, but the level one options were mostly not challenging for me.  This is interesting, I tend to prefer the classes that don’t try to be “tough” but rather focus on getting the technique right.  It tends to be a more intense workout, but even so I stick to the level one options in most classes, but I think I need to start challenging myself more.

So, I seem to be getting fitter.  Incrementally.  Yay.  I can’t tell you if this has affected my weight, as our scales are broken.

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