This is well up there in the list of least favourite things people say after a miscarriage.
For starters, how do they know? It’s not like I am going to tell anyone that I have been drinking a bottle of wine every night, or 5 coffees a day. Or going for a 10 k run. Not that I have been, but how would they know.
Secondly, the more people say it, the less I believe it. I wasn’t blaming myself, so why are you telling me it’s not my fault? That implies that you DO think it is.
And for the last horrible one. This is the third one. Plus the failed ivf cycles. So all up I have failed to nurture 7 embryos ( that I know of). Three of which made it to the visible heartbeat. So, maybe there is something, whether conscious or not?
My husband gets to say this, but he does have an idea of what I am doing. And he can see me thinking about it.
My doctor kind of gets to say it. One of the more surreal things about Monday was his desire to have the genetic test show abnormalities, because then it isn’t me, and I can stop fretting on that.
It is extremely frustrating. There is no clear reason why. None. And all of the resources say, not your fault. But why are we expected to take any number of precautions if there is no way to control this!? I was resting, working from home, taking Chinese herbs, using progesterone and doing acupuncture. All of those things are activities that most pregnant women don’tneed to do. So why?