End of the holiday

Ah. I haven’t been blogging much.  This has been a combination of few photos, strangely poor wifi connectivity in the hotel and general exhaustion.

Which is sad, because I have several posts I would like to do.  

It was a nice destressing holiday, until about 3:30 this afternoon.  As if hauling our many suitcases (we did a lot of shopping) on the metro was not bad nough, that was when we found out J had a car accident. He ran into a parked car while delivering pizzas- his new job. It has not escaped my notice that job drama happens when we go away. The cas had to be towed, which puts a kink in the plans for him to pick us up, and in our general activities,(only car). Plus side- he will now not (hopefully) be quite so confident of his invincibility. He was the cause. Bad side- our original car insurance definitely doesn’t cover this. When he got the job (through a job provider) we said as much ( we were in Japan) and they obtained insurance that should cover him.  We don’t know that it will. The picture (on Facebook, not sent to us!) is not good.  I have run into some parked cars in my life and have never had that level of damage.    

Having to take deep breaths and try not to stress.  

it is stressful

My sister is finding the egg growth process stressful. And to be fair there have been some hiccups- the meds not arriving, the place with her scan booking deciding she couldn’t be scanned, the next scan place taking their sweet time about sending the report.

She expressed some frustration over all of this, how stressful it was to be doing something where she had no control over the outcome, even though it was her body doing it.  And to add to the stress, all of the lovely hormones.  I laughed inside, because, yeah.

And then I commiserated.  

She has 6 follicles that are of a good size, so egg collection will be Friday.  Fingers crossed that there are some good eggs…

 

blame it on the hormones

It has been a while since I went through the whole injecting hormones thing.  I have clearly repressed how awful it was.

This was not an awesome weekend.  I had planned to go to an embroidery craft sale witha friend on Saturday.  We headed out early, got there all right, but discovered that it was on Sunday! Super sad face.  But we wandered through one of Brisbane’s seedier areas ( along with G, who came along) before we ended up at a combination coffee shop/art gallery/tattoo parlour.  The coffee was good!

Later in the afternoon we took the folding bed and spare mugs to my mum’s house.  My sister, her daughter, my brother and his wife are all coming to visit next weekend.  This is one of those things I can’t control and am trying not to freak out about. It will be nice to see my sister and niece.  I suspect my brother and SIL may be coming to Brisbane to announce a pregnancy.  Which is fine, but having to deal with the news en famille does not fill me with happy.  Especially if I have to deal with my dad and stepdad (seperately, but both would be at events where it was discussed) because they seem to not get that I might not be 100% happy at the news. Trying hard not to think or,worry about it.  

Anyway, today.  We slept in later than anticipated. Went to the craft fair, but I wasn’t really in the mood, and bought nothing.  Then we tried to go to a coffee place and had some service/customer irritation issues. I lost it a little.

We followed this up with Supanova, which is a pop culture convention. It is fun to go, but I find it overwhelming.  And the question of why an event that caters to subcultures that often have introvert tendencies has no quiet spaces? Argh. This time round we bought more books and less art.

Then we walked across the bridge to the cbd.  It wasn’t as hot as it has been, but still needed rehydration.  And the discounted clothes we were there to buy were not as many as on Friday.  

We went to catch a bus, which never came, so we had to trek to a different platform.  Which sounds very simply but was highly frustrating. My resilience, never great, is very low.  My patience is lacking.  

Bring on the scan, and the egg retreival, and I don’t think I will be doing this again.

Monday

Today was intense.  Not sure why, but very tired at the end.  It was a very hot day, finishing with a thunderstorm.  So hot I did not feel a lunch walk was a good idea.  The sun was too intense.

I spoke about being kind to myself last week.  This week? I am angry with my body. But not angry enough to go for a walk in the heat. I am not happy with my weight. I am not happy with the fact I am not pregnant. I am not happy with the state of my periods. I have bug bites from one of the garage sales. Generally not happy.

But putting myself on an extreme diet, or doing too much exercise, or going to the other extreme and eating a few bars of chocolate, is not helpful.  Nor is doing nothing.  

The last couple of weeks have not been great weeks in health outcomes.  This next week will be hard too.  A heat wave in my state, and a week of risk management workshops. 

Frustrating that I am so irritated after a relaxing weekend.   A Grumpy Monday, despite the fact I didn’t feel grumpy for most of the day. 

I just need to keep moving through the week, and hoping it will be better.

be kind to yourself

I had a nicer post planned, but today has not been great.  The best thing today was a work meeting I had been dreading.

I have been keeping track of my food intake as well as my exercise through an app.  I had been doing very well on this, no my body responded by craving sugar.  So after a disappointingly slow walk today I bought two chocolate bars.  And ate them both.  I struggled with the walk, the heat doesn’t help, but also the fact that it is the tail end of the TWW has a negative impact on my exercise capabilities. (Every twinge makes me think pregnant! Even though I know better).

Work was full of tedious review of already seen, badly written letters and documents.  My job is to ensure compliance, not clarity of writing.  

Tonight, I,want to curl up with a book,and a bowl of ice cream.  I’m not going to do that, but I am not going to punish myself either. Take some time to read and be relaxed.  

Catching up

It’s been a less than stellar week, and it’s only tuesday!  I hsve a mental list of posts I want to write, but lack of energy at home.

Where to start?  

On Monday, where I found that a summay I wrote, for which I had to throw the rest of my workload under the bus for a week and am still dealing with the consequences, had been circulated to approximately no one in the past three weeks since i finished it.  Originally the plan had been to give said summary to someone else to jazz it up for the trustes (because that wasn’t insulting either) but that didn’t happen.  Anyway I had to go to a meeting today where the three other participants had received a copy of the summary and were starting a response to the original document based on my summary of it.  so three people read it.  It makes me feel less than warm and fuzzy about certain people at my work.  Thankfully they are not ones i interact with much. (for those that know me in real life and have heard me whinge about a particular character who usually adds to my workload- he was the one who actually got the ball rolling on other people seeing it and was not the cause of my issue)

Today when I totally blanked on an industry update (for which a substantial sum was paid to register) and thereby missed the first hour.  Gah.  And i reminded myself about it yesterday, but blanked today. Luckily, the parts i particularly wanted to hear were the ones that were scheduled later.  But i felt like an idiot, and was very frustrated.

The general feeling of meh.

The return of the person whose desk is next to mine after 9 weeks of holiday.  We are not at each other’s throats, but she is not a quiet person, and she is just about to start organising her wedding.  time to sort out some good headphones.

I talked to my sister about donor eggs last week.  She s still on board, but had seen a counselor and had some questions, issues.  She emailed me, and also indicated she didnt know where we were up to, so we could refuse eggs if wanted.  I emailed back about the fact that after 4 miscarriages and 3 failed IVF cycles donor eggs and/or PGD are serious options.  I havent really talked to my family about the last miscarriage, it was such a brief pregnancy that it never went far.  my mum knew about all three of the other ones, but i wasnt sure if my sister knew.  She didn’t.  We will try to schedule a cycle so she can come out for retrieval the weekend that we have our big family get-together.  That way she has something to look forward to, and it provides a reason for the visit for the curious. My mum knows that we are doing this, but I really dont want to discuss it with the wider family until it is something.   So my sister is one of those people who can manipulate her cycle with the pill.  I am not.  Which makes me very happy i am not going through IVF in the USA, so many clinics seem to use that as a start.

I need new sneakers.  I can feel the heel support in mine is no longer good.  I hate spending $200 on sneakers (the typical price for a decent pair here)  I know the value of decent shoes though.

The accounting team at work has lost my expense claim for my ipad cover.  yet they will probably process my signed off deduction to purchase the old ipad immediately.  not impressed.

Oh, and i keep meaning to sign up for ICLW, but am freaked out and forget.

 

Back

Well, apparently you don’t actually have to wait until the official test date.  If its urgent they will let you test early.  and it was a big fat no.

In other news, we now have a new suspect in the case of why I can’t get/stay pregnant.  Progesterone. When one is using the cottage cheese gel stuff, one’s period should NOT start until stopping it.  That is very clearly not the case with me.  And I am reminded that I also cannot do the put off your period with the Pill trick either (sad but true).  So I am guessing that I have either some progesterone resistance (i don’t even know if that is possible) or I don’t produce it correctly.

Possibly an easy fix.  If you can call being headachy, cranky, tired and very emotional an easy fix.  Possibly not.

And i have all these other ideas for blog posts, but by the time i get home to my computer, i don’t want to type.