follow up

We had our follow up appointment at the clinic today.  Papers pulled from everywhere.  He asked us what we were going to do- we said 6 months off and then see.

He said to keep looking for a donor- the results from my sister were not great, and with the drug dosage she was on, should have been better.  We could try again with her, but different conditions.  He also encouraged us to keep trying, and so I now have two sets of prescriptions for not-Clomid and for an injectable.  No monitoring, just take on the right days and go in if I feel the need.  Which was interesting.  And weirdly reinforcing one of my suspicions- I feel like my reproductive organs have white coat syndrome- they curl up and hide in a medical environment.  

And like my suspicion that exercise helps me get pregnant, then I stop due to pregnancy, and I have more issues, it is interesting to have it reinforced.  With the exercise, I think it may be a blood flow thing, and I will try to be more active if there is a next time.  

So anyway, what I need to do to get and stay pregnant is be active and not go to the doctor.  Ha, since all attempts so far have required early medical visits.

This evening I tidied my jewellery area.  I have a lot, not much precious stones etc, more of the quirky and costume jewellery.  And it was all tangled and mishmash.  But not anymore.

the problem with symptom spotting

Is when the symptoms disappear.  It’s been a hectic week, and I was felled by a lovely (not) migraine on Wednesday. Since then at least a couple of supposed symptoms have not been present.

Looking forward to a mellow weekend now, before an early morning blood test on Monday. 

If this hasn’t worked we have no frozen embryos.  I am not disposed to do another cycle myself, I suspect my sister did not enjoy her stint (and something would have to change as the egg count was so small). So if this is not it, we are taking at least 6 months off.  And at the end of that?  Not sure

where did the weekend go?

It’s Sunday night, where did the weekend go?

Partly this is the fact that G thought it would be an awesome idea to have people over for dinner on both Saturday and Sunday night.  That way we only had to tidy once.  So some time spent on food prep- G cooked the mains, all I did was dessert.  I tried a new idea- lemon cake and limoncello trifle with berries and marscapone. First night was ok, second try was better.

Saturday we voted- we had a state election this weekend.  The Premier, who won three years ago in a complete landslide, has been a bit unpopular of late and thought a snap election and short campaign would be a good idea.  In January, when everyone is finishing up summer holidays.  Nope.  Three years ago the Opposition was left with 7 seats (out of 89), which crept up to 9 with by-elections.  As of this morning, they had 43, the government had retained 40 and there are a few independents and unknowns.  That was huge!

Australia also won the Asia cup last night.  Also a big deal.

We had G’s friend over to talk about our planned trip to Japan in July.  And we ended up booking the airline tickets. Way early, but they were on sale and it is a full service airline( we have been on a budget airline because they are only ones that fly direct, but they are no long so direct and full service costs about as much and will be less stressful)

Today, not so much activity. G was really tired.  I sat around and read and played games and watched the librarians and worked on my cross stitch. This no activity thing is dull.  I specifically asked about doing Pilates this weekend and the clinic said no.  Sigh.  

I have moments of severe pessimism about the cycle, and wonder if the stuff we are doing is doing anything.  The resting, the twice daily crinone etc.  I do not like crinone, but acknowledge the alternative is worse. The only bright side this cycle is due to both the timing for my sister, and my current length of my cycle I will actually have my blood test some days before my period is due, and so the test will really be an unknown.- this is new for me, every other ivf cycle I have started bleeding before testing.

And we had my mum and stepdad over for dinner.  Then G and my stepdad had an in depth discussion of something with computers.  It started as files of very old books that could be downloaded, I think.  But, they are early sleepers, so they left earlyish as well. 

Now for a full week of work- and it will be interesting to see the fallout from the election.  Federal politics will be impacted, so I may have more work as random programs are announced.

not what I was expecting

So my sister had egg retrieval today and it was a bit of a bust. 4 eggs.  We knew it was going to be lowish, because only 6-8 follicles were visible, but that was unexpectedly low.  

I think she was disappointed.  Well, I know she was.  I don’t know what I am.  I am oddly pleased by the fact that I, the reproductive failure one, can still produce more eggs, but I suspect that is also because I was monitored more closely. And totally useless measurement, because she still managed the actual achievement of having a baby, which my body is not doing.  

So now we wait.  Maybe things will work.

I don’t think she is up for another round.  I don’t think I am.  Her worry going in was that there would be dozens of frozen embryos, that we would have an excess.  I did not laugh, I didn’t even say unlikely, all I said was that we would deal with it. It was her biggest concern, and she did acknowledge today, no longer an issue.

On the flip side, we looked after my niece for a few hours today.  It was the most we have had to do with her- usually we see her with other family members present, so don’t get much time.  I think it was a surprise to G to discover that certain personality traits are familial.  Apparently not all just about two year olds are that independently minded.  I would not know, the last toddler I spent a lot of time with was my little brother(he is now 9) and he was even more independently minded than the niece.  Not throwing tantrums or running off, just very certain about what was to be done and how they were going to be doing it.  

And it would appear my sister and I are on the same wavelength regarding parenting, which will help if this actually works.  

I don’t want to do this again

Just a very short post.  I think I am done with this whole reproductive science malarkey.  Technically yes, I still have a donor cycle we are in the middle of, with eggs being collected tomorrow and an embryo transfer next week if all goes well.

But I was reflecting how much easier it has been this cycle, what with the not having to inject, and I don’t want to inflict it on anyone else.  My sister couldn’t inject herself and has had to have someone do it each night!

So we will do this cycle, and if we are lucky there will be some frozen embryos as well as a transfer, but if not, that’s the end.

Of course, I totally reserve the right to change my mind.

 

Added later.  4 eggs!  So not many, I think this is really truly the end.

it is stressful

My sister is finding the egg growth process stressful. And to be fair there have been some hiccups- the meds not arriving, the place with her scan booking deciding she couldn’t be scanned, the next scan place taking their sweet time about sending the report.

She expressed some frustration over all of this, how stressful it was to be doing something where she had no control over the outcome, even though it was her body doing it.  And to add to the stress, all of the lovely hormones.  I laughed inside, because, yeah.

And then I commiserated.  

She has 6 follicles that are of a good size, so egg collection will be Friday.  Fingers crossed that there are some good eggs…

 

the mathematics of IVF

Not a happy post.

Next time someone says “just try IVF, it always works” send them here.

19 eggs

12 mature (we had to use ICSI, so only mature eggs could be used).

9 fertilised (so far so good)

All 9 were tootling along until day 4 (again that is so far so good)

Then they found a wall, or a cliff or a gaping hole in the space time continuum.

As of this morning (day 5) there is one left that is developing, and it isn’t far enough along to biopsy.

1.  And it’s unlikely to progress.

I think that this is the end of trying to use my eggs.

 

 

Pollyanna thoughts- well, that’s an extra $4k I don’t need to think about finding. That means more money for the donor egg cycle next year.  And the donor egg cycle is on track to be sometime in January or February.  

I also feel way less guilty about the cost of the Christmas trip. At least I am going to get something for all that money.